Thoughts on Religion
Warning
This is written with no scientific rigour. Just an outlet while aiming to develop clarity. It is mostly based on ideas that I have either read or heard from multiple sources that have made sense to me or based on my own personal experience (highly filtered and biased). This is also collage of concepts/ideas/reasonings/stories I have found somewhere else but it would be difficult to find references for.
I grew up Catholic, my family is Catholic. I went to Catholic school, worked as a highschool teacher in a Catholic school. My Ph.D is from The Catholic University of America. But I have always struggled with Catholicism. I understand the role of religion in society and I think it is an important one. But I can't ignore the amount of harm that has been done to humanity as a whole and to individuals too. It is probably good to ask: Does the good outweigh the bad? And it is not an easy question to answer, it is probably a personal one.
My main struggle is the emphasis placed on obeyance. I was kicked out of middle school for a whole day for refusing to participate on Ash Wednesday. I was young and without many outlets to appropriately express my disagreement. It has always seemed to me that authorities hold the answers, and it is disrespectful to question them, let alone disagree with them. So there is a strong conflict with my scientific bias.
Another early experience of the contradictions of religion was part of my community service in highschool. One of the requirements to graduate from highschool is to serve a certain number of hours in community service. I served mine at school, which involved mainly manual work, cleaning, taking care of gardens, things of that sort. One day, the assigned duty was to take the groceries for the religious leaders from the delivery car to the kitchen. As a reward for the task we got a snack. Best snack I had ever had, but by seeing what I was given I noticed there was no skimping when it comes to what the members of the religious community have access to. The most expensive and highest quality products, hands down. Not even mentioning dedicated staff whose main task was to make sure this food gets ready to be eaten, what a luxury I thought. One of my questions was: Is it not better to save a little so you guys can help someone who doesn't have it? Is not that what you guys preach? Why are not the same members of the religious order doing the cooking? And then. Do you guys even help the community you're in beyond the Sunday's mass? I was afraid to ask...
But I can't say this without pointing out at my own hypocrisy. My Catholic education was financed by scholarships from the municipal government. It was not the best school but it was definitely one of the good ones. My time at college, again, financed by the Colombian government and my PhD from a combination of funding from people who align themselves with Catholic values and from the US government budget for research and science. So yes, my education was always paid by someone else. Who am I to criticize the religious leaders that live on the shoulders of so many people? Have I not benefited from it as well?
I haven't visited many churches in my life. Only christian and catholic churches, and both of them have the obeyance element at the forefront, and I have gotten the idea that to be accepted within the community you need to subdue your doubts to the response of the religious leader, in the name of faith. No wonder why I was afraid to voice my questions back then. In the name of honesty though, I'm jealous of the devotion I have seen in those places. People crying over the reading of religious texts or singing out loud their favorite christian songs filled with some sort of highly positive emotion. I'm jealous because I wonder what would it feel like to reach those states myself.
I went once to a Buddhist community for a Full moon practice (The Sadhana of Mahamudra) which involved mainly chanting and reciting prayers. Does it sound fun for a Wednesday evening plan? For me, it does. Being my first time doing this, I was just an observer. And I was in awe. Not because I felt some sort of mystical experience (I wish I had) but because, by reading the prayers, for the first time I saw philosophy being recited with devotion and even with a short dose of self-criticism:
[...]
I take refuge with body, speech and mind.
In order to free those who suffer at the hands of the three lords of materialism
And are afraid of external phenomena, which are their own projection
[...]
Meditate in that great simplicity which is beyond conceptions and
see through the complexities of duality, in which apparent
phenomena and the self are imagined to be separate.
The undercurrent of thoughts with all their pettiness and doubt and fear–
–all these must be overcome with that great assurance and fearless certainty
[...]
I am a credulous and helpless animal
Who has been fooled by the mirage of duality.
I have been fool enough to think that I possess my own projections,
[...]
Although I live in the slime and muck of the dark age,
I still aspire to see your face.
Although I stumble in the thick, black fog of materialism,
I still aspire to see your face.
When the current of thoughts is self-liberated
And the essence of dharma [Buddha's teachings] is known,
Everything is understood
And apparent phenomena
Are all the books one needs.
[...]
The dharma is used for personal gain
And the river of materialism has burst its banks.
The materialistic outlook dominates everywhere
And the mind is intoxicated with worldly concerns.
Of course this was a biased selection, the writings are filled with deity names and sanskrit words which meanings are unknown to me. But the other part of such visit was a single comment from an older practitioner: "It has been 40 years and I'm still trying to figure out what's all this about". I didn't know how to respond, I am a slow thinker. Ok? The first thought that arose in my mind from his comment was of judgement and rejection. What a fool! 40 years and still trying to figure out??. However by overcoming that rejecting thought I could see humility, curiosity, and discipline. Yes, it has been 40 years of sticking to the practice (discipline). Yes, I don't know the answers (humility). Yes, I'm still looking for them (curiosity) and trying to figure out (persistence). If you want the 'right' answers go to a Catholic church instead.
From my short experience with Buddhist communities I have seen that questioning is not only welcomed but encouraged. If you get an idea from some teaching, or from meditation, you're encouraged to test it. Does it align with reality? Does it align with your experience of the world? Does it make sense? And if not, why? This is more aligned with a scientific approach to religion. So my own biases resonated here. I can't deny the social aspect of it, I find these circles to be very thoughtful, introspective, kind in nature, with a soft door for vulnerability rather than the hard shell of authority.
There are many teachings from spiritual communities that are very helpful for practical life. In Buddhism there's the concept of Karma which how I understand it, it means each action has its consequences. A very precise mechanism in which life balance itself. Off course, It's very tough to think about this when you're on the receiving end of those consequences. It is easier to say other people are experiencing the consequences of their own karma. However, in one of the discussions with another (spiritual) group came the idea of taking full responsibility for everything that happens in your life as part of "I'm living my own Karma". I might not remember what I did to 'deserve' what I'm going through. But, let's be honest, I don't even remember what I had for lunch two weeks ago, much less the terrible things that I could have done to my neighbor or my loved ones during a past life (if such thing exist). And there was someone else pointing out, there's no need to remember what I did to 'deserve' such thing, the most important thing is to ask myself: What do I need to learn from this experience? on that community they are used to refer as life as a journey of the soul. The way they see it is that life is to the soul what a movie is to the viewer. In their understanding, soul doesn't die in the same way that we don't die when we go to see a movie where the main character is killed. Instead, soul uses this body to acquire experience and learn lessons. But, coming back to the Karma concept and taking full responsibility of everything that happens in your life, is quite useful in the practical aspects of life. Taking full responsibility gives you a sense of empowerment (not without a subtle touch of guilt). Feeling like a victim of your life is quite diminishing for your will power. Responsibility opens the possibility that you can actually make something about it, change something about yourself, being a victim puts you in a situation where your actions don't matter because at the end 'it is out of your control'. Off course, it is not a lesson that you can only find in spirituality. There are hundreds of books not related with spirituality containing that lesson (my favorite one, The 7 habits of highly effective people). But, occasionally for me, it is easier to remember the interaction that I had in that discussion room with those people than the words from the book because it was not only my mind reading about an idea, but rather my whole body was present and listening/seeing/feeling other people experiences. This all to say, that there's value in exploring and being open to spiritual communities, there are practical lessons to be extracted even if you don't want to adhere or follow the mumbo jumbo of religion.
Buddhist communities rely on Dhana, which are donations and generosity of people. Not very different from the Catholic empire except perhaps for the batch size. It might well be the stingy person within me, but I do have a strong aversion towards groups and people offering teachings, courses, programs that are paid & on the expensive side. My main critic is, if you're so enlightened, so clear in your mind, can't you use your skills and clarity to get a 'regular job' where you make your living in the horizontal life? And this is off course, a thin line with blurry limits. I do recognize that to organize and offer a service, bills still need to get paid. I do not expect a Yoga studio to offer their services for free, or to rely on the generosity of practitioners. Teachers need to be paid on time, and the best teachers are highly sought after and therefore not on the cheap side, rent is due at the end of the month, those Hot Yoga classes during the winter represent a big gas/electric expenditure. And let's be honest, Yoga studio owners deserve (in my opinion) a big profit check for all the sacrifice involved in running such business (Like prob. most of the businesses). But some offerings ring a bell in me and I find myself constantly asking: is this meant just to exploit the natural longing in people for community and spiritual development so that whoever is making the offer can afford their living in such beautiful, natural, peaceful (and highly expensive) places?
There is no conclusion here. If anything, I hope you have even more questions!
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